I started this little jumper in the weekend and got down to the armholes and then realised that I couldn't live with what I thought was a mistake, but now I am not so sure that it was actually a mistake because the re-knit is back to the same place and it looks the same! I thought I had done an extra kfb on the purl row, but hmm, maybe I didn't, maybe it just does that. Surely I wouldn't do it twice in the same spot, and anyway, wouldn't that make a bit of a hole if I had done that?

Ah, who knows. I am back to where it was up to in this picture now.

The pattern is puerperum or something, can't be bothered looking up the proper spelling! The yarn is heirloom colorado in a beautiful grass green colour, I love it.

Work is busy. Crazy-busy. I am learning so much every day, it never stops. Today I got to work and made up a little list of things I wanted to get done today, it was quite a short list which meant I would get time to look at some longer term projects. Then the phone rang and I happened to answer it. So then the whole day was completely different and involved a trip to Nowra and lots of phone calls. I did get my little list finished though! I am still enjoying it, although the commute is a beeyotch. Especially now that all the dorks on the road are back from holidays. It was so nice for a while there. Now its back to a crawl. That's the worst part of the job.

School starts in about three weeks. We are all ready, hair has been cut, uniform bought except for the shirt that is only sold at the school but I have a back-up just in case we don't make it to the uniform shop in time (but we will!), shorts, socks, hat, shoes, all ready. The countdown is on.

He has to go to After School care for half an hour or twenty minutes or so every day, till Steve picks him up. I am fine with that, he'll love it. Its at the school anyway, in the hall, he'll get there and play for a while and then it will be time to come home. And he knows a kid that goes there already.

But he also has to go to Before School care if I am to make it to work on time for my 8.30am start. And I am becoming increasingly aware that that, is in fact, not okay with me. In fact, its completely unacceptable to me.

In fact, I won't do it. Not doing it. Don't wanna. Won't.

So I don't know what is going to happen with that. I really don't. All I know is that I am definitely not okay with it. I have childhood scars from the start of my schooling and the emotional baggage I carry from it is adding fuel to the flame and basically, I am not doing it, right? I will be dropping my kid off at school just before school starts, with his lunchbox packed and his homework done, or whatever. But it will be me there.

My mother didn't even pick me up from my first day of school. I had to go and find my sister and walk home with her. I walked out of the classroom and saw the other kids mothers and already knew mine wasn't going to be there. I can feel the emotion as I write this. At five years old I processed as being that I wasn't as important as these other kids so that explained it see. My first day of school finished and I trailed along behind my big sister and her friend who were completely uninterested in anything a nuisance five year old had to say. I am sure I was asked all about my day at some point, when Mum got home from work, but I have no recollection of that. And she did drop me off that morning. I remember that. Thank god she bothered to do that. Probably had to do the paperwork or something (how cynical I am, lol)

I have taken the day off work for Baden's first day of school and I will be there outside the classroom at the end of his first day of school and he will walk out and see all the mums waiting and he will see his own mother smiling at him, excited to be hearing all about my VERY IMPORTANT boy's day at school. I have waited a very very long time for that day and have seen it in my head many times. NOTHING will stop me being there, I even told them that I need that day off at the interview before I even started working.

Its obviously a big issue for me because I remember when my cousins little girl started school and my cousin said she would be catching the bus home with her big sister. I begged to pick her kids up that day, I literally begged her and I think I even started crying when I told her why. So anyway, she did pick her kids up that day!! bless her for indulging me!!

But anyway, back to the Before School care. As I said, the After School care thing is fine, it will be for half an hour at the most before Steve gets there and on the first day I will be there myself and will probably wangle the next couple of days to finish work early as well so he can settle in a bit before starting the After School care. But the Before School care makes me feel like I have failed somehow. I don't want to waste these precious days that I know my kid will remember. I don't want him to be in care for two hours a day before school starts and have the start of the day be a mad rush and drop off. I don't want to stop working, I really like it.

So, I dunno. Just have to figure it out I suppose.

I do know that its pretty much non-negotiable though...

So that's a bit complicated.