We are back from our little holiday. It was great. We had a wonderful time. Baden had a ball, he got so spoilt and got so much attention and presents!!

Steve and I had a good time too, we feel very relaxed and want to go on another holiday soon. Just have to decide where.

When we got back the neighbours told us that one of the dogs killed a red bellied black snake that was in our yard!! horrors!!

We didn't go to any of the theme parks on the Gold Coast. We thought about it but decided to leave it for next time. But we went to the wildlife sanctuary which was brilliant. They had kangaroos that you can pat and Baden just went straight up and started talking to one and patting it and he overbalanced and fell straight on to it. I think he thought it was a dog. He has no fear, its a bit of a worry really. We also saw koalas and emus and crocodiles and then we went for lunch at the local surf club.

I met some inlaws that live up there that I haven't met before and Baden met his cousins and I caught up with some old friends, both of us did actually. It was a good holiday.

It was nice to get home too. It's always good to be home.

Thank you Grandpa!!

I will let the pictures speak for themselves. Click on the pic and bigger pics will come up.

Quick post, here is a picture of a little cardigan I knitted for my next door neighbour. I haven't knitted at all this week, just don't feel the urge at the moment.

Doggies Lost Doggies Found.

Today the dogs got out and went on an adventure. The parcel delivery man came and left a parcel at the door. I had to get the key to unlock the door (we have to lock it with the key because Baden has figured out how to open it otherwise), so I picked up the parcel and brought it in and forgot to relock the door.

I heard the door open and yelled out to bubby not to go outside and when he didn't answer I went out to tell him to come back in but he wasn't there. I went outside and he was standing in the neighbours garden. I told him to come back inside and he turned around and pointed up the street and said "Jibbo". I said "did Jimbo come outside?" because sometimes the dogs come in the back door and they have run out the front door once before. I found them just around the corner last time.

I had to wait for bubby to come inside so I could lock the door and go out the back and check to see if the dogs were there. So I did that and they weren't in the yard!!

So, we had to hop in the car and I drove to the spot that I found them last time, but they weren't there. I drove around and around for an hour, looking for them. I had to come home because I was dying of thirst, it was so hot today.

When Steve got home he went out and drove around for a while too, but didn't find them.

He came home for a while and then we all hopped in the car and drove around looking for them. Nup.

A while later I decided to go for another drive so Baden and I hopped in the car and I drove down the back roads. I was driving along and I passed this house and I felt an overwhelming need to go up their driveway!! I had to stop and do a U-turn and drive back there and as I drove up this driveway a man came out and I wound down the window and said "we have lost our dogs, a german shepherd and a little westie". He goes "I just saw them at the shopping centre". I couldn't believe it!

So I thanked him and drive up to the shopping centre and there they were, sniffing around. They had been gone for over four hours.

How weird that I just HAD to drive up that driveway, I don't know why I had to but I just had to turn the car around and go up there, it was an unexplainable and irrestible urge. I hadn't stopped and asked any of the people I saw walking their dogs or anyone else I saw but I just had to drive up that driveway and talk to the people in that house.

And how strange that the man I asked had been at the shops FIVE MINUTES before and had seen our dogs, who had gone in the opposite direction to where I had been concentrating my efforts because of where they went the time before when they got out. I would never have gone to the shops. The shops aren't all that near our house and aren't near this mans house.

They would still be lost if I hadn't gone up that driveway. If it had just been a random thing I wouldn't be so freaked out, if I had gone up lots of driveways or talked to lots of people I wouldn't be freaked out. But it wasn't like that. It was a force I can't explain that I knew I had to go and ask the people in that house where our dogs were.

Spooooooky.

Anyway, new collars and tags for Apple and Jimbo this christmas. We have been a bit slack with them lately. We are happy they are safe and sound at home.

We booked our holiday today. Finally. It should have been booked weeks ago but I told Steve he could book it since I planned the whole Fiji trip so it was his turn.

We are off the the Gold Coast over christmas, just for a week. Its a complete rip off but we are going anyway. We are staying in a one-bedroom apartment that has a kitchen etc, I can't remember what the word for it is but its in a hotel but it's not like a hotel room, oh, self contained, that's it! I wanted a different one that was a bit nicer and had a better pool and was 50metres closer to the beach but by the time we decided (i.e. by the time I talked Steve into paying the extra) it was gone!!

We are staying at my friend Lisa's place on Christmas Eve and Christmas night and then four nights in the middle of Surfers. My old stomping ground, haven't been there for years. Ten years and ten kilos difference, oh well!

I am looking forward to taking bubby to the beach and going out for dinner and just relaxing and shopping and catching up with some old friends. I think Steve needs a break, he works really hard six days a week and doesn't even play golf anymore.There are some friends who I have decided not to look up. I was thinking about it and realised that they never ring, never email and didn't even reply to the email I sent with our wedding photos. I know they got it because I spoke to them a few months later. I think I will just draw a line under that one because I am sick of being the one to always make the effort.

Baden got his pre-school report today, its all very good, he is doing everything he should be doing apparently. And he made us a present, its a candle holder with a little tealight candle in it and the holder has his fingerprints painted on it. It will match everything else in the house since everything else has his fingerprints all over it around here too, ha ha ha boomtish.

We finally have our new couches in our lounge room. Yes, I know I said they were arriving on Tuesday but they ended up coming on Friday (typical), and then they spent a night in our garage because they didn't actually fit through our front door!!!

Whoever heard of anyone making a couch that is too big to fit through a normal sized front door of a normal sized house?

It didn't even occur to us to measure our door, I mean, that's supposed to be what the designers factor in to the design, surely? Surely?

So anyway, today a friend of Steve's who is a glazier came around and removed the window out of the lounge room and we brought the couches in through the window and then he put it back.

They are very comfy. We have one each. Three-seaters, big puffy cream leather things. Baden was very impressed, he was going from one to the other saying "nice".

Yep, bubby, I agree. Nice.

Steve, aka Mr Negativity did his usual routine of asking if it was the same as the one we ordered, yep its the same, are you sure, yes I am sure, didn't the one we ordered have one big cushion seat, nope it had three big puffy cushion seats just like these ones, do you think its comfortable, yes I think its absolutely delightfully gorgeously comfortable, do you think the arm is the same colour leather, yes its exactly the same and its not some cheapo crap that you need to pick to bits its very expensive certified furniture so can you save the negative routine until I have enjoyed my new couches for five minutes ta.

He got the hint. I know he likes them but he just has this really bad habit of looking for fault in things before letting himself relax and enjoy them. I am not sure why he does it but then he turns all enthusiastic afterwards and I am enthusiastic at the start and I end up feeling a bit deflated because I think he doesn't like whatever it is. And then when he says how much he likes it I get annoyed because he didn't say it at the start and join in my enthusiasm then.

Anyway, enough bitching about my lovely husband, lol.

Last night a couple of the girls and I went to a toy raffle at the Club. We have been going for the last three weeks but none of us won anything.

But last night, I won something!

What happens is that you buy tickets, $1 for 5 tickets, and then they read out the numbers and if your number is called you go up the front and you pick out what prize you want. So the really big prizes go first of course, like the Playstations, Nintendo Wii's, Xboxes etc, and then there are other prizes, toys etc that go down in value till the last person gets the cheapest toy or whatever.

So, they called out one of my numbers and my friend and I raced up the front and man, it was SO hard to pick. I originally was going to pick a toy ride-in car thing, and there is a girl that works at the club and she stands there and sort of helps you pick, and she goes "no no they are really cheap", so I kept looking and the trampoline was gone, and the cubby house was gone, and then my friend Cat goes "what about that?" and points to a motorised ride on bike/ trike thing.

Yep, that's the one I sez. As soon as I picked it I knew it was the right thing. I was SO excited and I still am.

So I lugged it to my car and it just fit in the back and I got home and wanted to show Steve, but Baden was still awake, so we had to wait for the little bollocks to go to bed, so he finally does and we go out to the car and bring in the trike thing, whatever its called, and we ooh and aah over it.

So now its hiding in the back shed, waiting for Santa to come and fling it down the chimney. Not that we have a chimney, ha ha, but whatever.

I can't wait to see my kid's face when he sees it, I literally just cannot wait. I am SO excited. He is going to be blown away and will pull this stupid surprised face that he pulls, he looks like that picture called The Screamer, lol.

Its going to be a great christmas!! We are actually going to give it to him the weekend before christmas because we are going on holiday for christmas and won't be able to take it. So his grandparents and aunty and uncle will be here to see him open it too. They are coming up for a not-christmas lunch the weekend before.

Well, the mystery surrounding my job has been solved.

I got laid off last week. The boss said he realised that his business is in the shit and he can't afford to have me there and he doesn't need a website or any marketing work done because he doesn't think he will have a business to promote soon.

He said he didn't think it through properly and he should have planned better.

I agree.

I could have been settled in another job in that time. Bubby is settled into daycare now so he is staying there but I have dropped him down to two days a week for the moment. I didn't like him going three days anyway.

The boss hired me and then never turned up. I saw him six times in three months. So I did the projects he mentioned he wanted done at the interview, which was the website, new price lists, and some other stuff. I worked really hard and was enjoying it. I even did some work at home which he didn't even bother looking at.

Oh well. At least I learned how to build a website.

Anyway, whatever. Next!

Good news, we get our new lounges on Tuesday!!

Remember how I said I had a sore toe? it was right in the joint and it came and went at random for no apparent reason and I couldn't figure out what on earth was wrong with it? When it is sore I can't put any weight on it at all and I hobble around and when its not sore I can run and jump and even hop on it.

I finally went to the doctor today and he diagnosed.......

Arthritis!!!

Naw! are you serious? Isn't that for like........OLD PEOPLE???

It makes sense actually. Because of how it comes and goes so completely.

And because of where it is, right in the joint.

When I was at the doctors he was saying it was probably arthritis and I was a bit sceptical and I was trying to explain to him exactly where the pain was and I saw a poster with a picture of all the foot bones and I said "see, its right in here, right there". And then I looked at the words on the poster and the heading was "Common Sites For Arthritis".

I didn't read it before that! I was like "oh!"

In one way its a relief because it means I can control it a bit, so it won't be sore all the time or completely at random. In other way its a bit of a shock because there basically isn't any treatment. It's managed rather than treated, which means I will have it for the rest of my life, and its in such an annoying and inconvenient spot.

I never dreamed I would ever get arthritis. I always felt sorry for the old folks who had it.

I hope I never get it in my hands because I want to still be able to knit when I am a granny. What's the use of being called a granny for knitting all these years if I can't knit when I am actually a granny.

I have nearly finished the first little cardigan in the 'layette' - I think that's what the word is. Bunch of baby stuff, anyway, lol, that I am planning to knit. This one is in pale lemon cotton. I don't usually like knitting with cotton but this stuff was allright. I love the texture that cotton gives.

I added some lace in to test out my new skills and guess what, its off a chart! I chose the pattern and then looked for the written instructions but there were none, grrr. So I ummed and aahed and looked for another one but couldn't find one I liked as much, so I had to bite the bullet and knit from the chart.

Only made one mistake, right at the start, but that's allright, thats where you are allowed to make mistakes right?

In other news, I am extremely tired, I long for a full night's sleep. I wish for it every night but every night it eludes me.

I am not sure what is happening with my job either. My boss is never there and it makes it very difficult at times. I have been building the website and learning a lot of new skills, but unfortunately he isn't very computer savvy and didn't even look at it for two weeks. I suspect that he still hasn't actually looked at it but just glanced at ONE page that I happened to print out. It's a bit sad really. I guess I will just have to wait and see what the universe has in store for me. I feel a bit depressed about it actually. I have worked really hard but most of it goes unacknowledged I think.

It's a shame because I really love the job. If it doesn't work out then I have asked the universe to make my choices really obvious. I am a bit thick sometimes so that's why I asked for that, lol. I feel like I keep being shown what I am not supposed to be doing, but I can't quite pick up on what I am supposed to be doing.

I have been continuing to learn lace and getting okay at it but still can't follow a chart. I have to have written instructions, which I follow like an obedient robot. The charts are too confusing because I keep getting mixed up on which direction to read them since I knit in a right to left direction but read in a left to right direction so I get very confused because I keep wanting to read the chart from left to right. Anyway, hard to explain but harder for me to do obviously, lol. I think I am overanalysing it but I can't help it.

Bubby is getting cuter by the minute, he is starting to talk a lot. He says thank you very much but it comes out as sanku-munch. I have started to try and give him a bottle of formula as a distraction and to start the weaning process. I have to put two extra scoops in it otherwise he won't go near it. That's probably bad, but oh well, its for a good cause. He only likes the "forminna" (formula) quite hot so I have to keep reheating it as well. That's probably bad too. Oh well again, lol. At least he is actually giving it the time of day now. I have tried before and he wouldn't have a bar of it.

He has been in the wars lately and has a bit of bark off in various places including chin, nose, elbow, ankle and toe. He has an obsession with bandaids so he doesn't get too upset when he hurts himself because he knows it means he will get a bandaid. He has tried to get one for other reasons as well, with varying success. Sometimes I just can't be bothered arguing so I get him a bandaid and he picks a spot where he wants it! I have photos of myself at the same age with bandaids on and I know there is no owie underneath it.

I have narrowed down some options for my project for the Easter show. I have also started to knit a few little things for my next baby, even though we aren't even trying yet, I love to knit baby things, they are so quick to finish, and last time I didn't really have many things for Baden because I wasn't good enough at knitting yet.

I have spent part of today trying to learn how to knit lace. There is a pair of socks I want to knit but I have to learn to knit lace a bit better first.

I have the sock yarn and everything ready to go.

Nervous.

Geez its expensive, it cost about fourteen bucks for one ball of wool. What a rip.

This will be my second attempt at sock knitting, (when I get started). The first attempt didn't take for some reason.

I have heard it's quite addictive. Just what I need, a new addiction, lol.

Things to Do Before becoming Pregnant:

Go to the Dentist:
I did this today, to get a check up. grr, now I have to go back and get a couple of fillings! The quote was $560 thank you very much. So I will go back in a couple of weeks and get that done, what fun, not. I can think of far more exciting ways to spend five hundred bucks but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Wean the Child:
No idea on how this will happen even though I have a book on the subject bought at a Baby Expo about two years ago. I don't know who has the most problem with this, me or Baden. A bit of both I suspect. He is quite attached to the concept and I am having trouble letting go of his babyhood.

So anyway, we will see what happens. I don't want to think about it because it makes me feel bad. Last time I decided to wean him it lasted about eight hours, lol. I am still not ready, I wish it would just happen by magic so I wouldn't have to think about it.

Lose Weight:
I would like to have a glamorous pregnancy next time. You know, those ones where its two tanned stick-like legs below a neat little bump in a flowing summery type frock? yeah, one of those. I don't like my chances of that but I would probably be happy with a pregnancy where I don't start off like a whale. I am already lighter than I was last time so its a good start. I haven't worn a flowing summery type frock for about eight years though so its not looking hopeful.

Take Folate:
Yep. Doing that already thanks to breakfast cereal. Boring but important.

Start keeping receipts:
Apparently if you spend over $1500 in a year on health related stuff then you can claim some of it back at tax time or something. Since we are already going to be five hundred bucks down from the dentist then we might as well start keeping receipts. The midwife is going to cost $4,000 unless by some miracle the government gets a grip before then and gives independent midwives a medicare number, so it will be nice to claw some of that back.

hmm. I am sure there are some other things but that's the list for the moment.

Making plans, getting the house in order, building a nest. Already!!! I do like to be organised.

I went to Morons Anonymous Web Design course today and there is nothing unusual to report about the moron of the class but I have given up worrying about that now and have been doing quite a bit of study in my own time. Today the teacher spent a lot of time going over what we learned in WEEK ONE with this person but I was busy anyway so who cares.

I have the work website up and running which is rather exciting. The boss is never in at work but he will be there tomorrow, which is my day off, but he will have a look at the website for the first time tomorrow. I am quite proud of it, its only in its infancy of course, but it looks pretty good.

I am really enjoying designing it. Its a bit creative, a bit organised and a bit methodical, plus a little bit challenging. I love to learn new things so this is really keeping me interested and motivated in my job. I am really enjoying this job.

I am meeting my friend for lunch tomorrow. She is newly pregnant so there will be a new baby around soon, which is quite exciting. I also heard news that one of my cousins is pregnant but I don't know when she is due or anything.

Steve and I have decided to try for a baby next year, maybe starting around February. He has been wanting another child for quite a while but I wasn't ready, but I think if we have another baby late next year then a three year gap will be good. I don't even know if I will get pregnant at my age, I will be 40 before the baby is born, but we will just take whatever life has in store for us. I am very grateful for the child we have and anyone else is a welcome bonus.

Baden has settled into daycare, I still feel quite guilty about him going but he does look happy when he is there, I just don't know how I feel about it. I don't really have to work, I work because I want to, I can't explain it but if I don't contribute I don't feel like an equal partner, and that is nothing to do with Steve and everything to do with me and my own sense of pride I suppose. Maybe it would have been different if we had met when we were younger or before I was able to get such interesting kinds of jobs. I dunno.

Baden goes three days a week and he has started to talk alot, he knows most of his colours and nearly every animal and lots of other cute words and nursery rhymes and things. He is not advanced and he is not behind he is just absolutely perfect and bang-on track in every possible way. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect child for me. I know the ladies at daycare like him and think he is cute. And he is a very well behaved little boy, I know I say that alot but its honestly true, he is just such an easy child to get along with. We are great friends, my son and I. He is a Leo, same as me, and I always seem to get along well with other Leos, I always have.

I am enjoying my job, I hardly ever see my boss but I have a list of projects so I just get on with it and do them. Sometimes I ring the boss up to say hello and ask him a question or two, but apart from that, he is never there.

It has recently occurred to me that I am not as bitchy as some people. Now, I know this sounds a bit strange, but hear me out. I was brought up in a very critical household and part of my self-perception was that I was a bit of a bitch.

But its becoming obvious that this isn't exactly true. I think the person saying it has a lot of answer for actually.

I notice that quite a few people have a habit of backstabbing other people, it's just a habit, its what they do, as regularly and naturally as eating breakfast or breathing. They just do it as a matter of course. And its not even about people who they don't like, its just about everyone they come into contact with.

I don't do this. I am not really a backstabber at all. I always say its because I can't be bothered or because I am more interested in talking about myself, but that's not exactly true either. (That's just me being self deprecating). I just don't do it because its not a very nice thing to do, and I don't really understand why other people do it. Unless its someone who they don't like and who they are horrible to face to face. I understand that, I do that!

But I never do it to people who are supposed to be my friends. If you are friends with me I don't backstab you. You can take that to the bank. It doesn't happen.I don't think I could do that, because then I would feel so dishonest when we met up again and I had to look you in the eye. I am way too honest for that. I probably talk about you, I probably talk about you a lot, and tell people funny or interesting or amazing things you have said or done. I chat about your family and your hobbies and your life. But I mean in a good way. I say nice things about you. Because if you are someone I call 'friend' its because I am proud to know you and I want other people to know you and like you too!

Yesterday I was sitting next to a couple of people who basically made derogatory comments about what someone else was saying at the other end of the table. Every time this poor woman said something these people would answer so sweetly and then mutter mutter mutter, derogatory and ridiculing statements.

Why do people do this? I don't understand it at all? Don't they feel .... yuck?

I would.

Its awful when you know that people do it too. You know that as soon as you walk away they are going to start on you. Ick. I hate that. It's such an uncomfortable feeling.

Everyone's different I suppose. I am not perfect, I have heaps of faults, but I am so glad that I can honestly say that being two-faced isn't one of them.

Been busily knitting lately, despite coming into summer. I have a couple of projects still on the needles that won't be worn till next winter, and after that I am going to start a project in cotton.

Here a couple of the latest achievements, a green cabled jacket for bubby which is quite big on purpose because I started it when the weather was heating up. I love the colour of this wool and the price was even better at $1.49 a ball in the summer sales. So this little jacket cost less than ten dollars. Probably $7 or something.

I recently learned the provisional cast on and I will be using that for all of his jumpers from now on, so I can add to the length of them later. He only grows upwards, he doesn't seem to grow outwards at all, so if I do this I can just unpick the ribbing and put it lower or just unpick the cast on and add more ribbing or whatever to the bottom.

The other one - the little purple cardi is called 'Boheme' and it is a gift for a little girl who is due to be born in a few weeks. I don't know if her mum even reads my blog, but anyway, the lace part of it was the first time I have attempted lace and I am really pleased with it. It wasn't easy, I had to concentrate like crazy and bubby kept interrupting me and I would lose my place. I unpicked nearly every row of this and knit it twice but thats all part of the learning curve and now I feel a lot more confident. I can see why lace knitters get bored with straight stocking stitch now. I can really see their point. Sometimes its nice to have just mindless knitting and sometimes you want something with a bit more oomph. With a toddler I need something I can pick up and put down without getting lost, but once he is in bed I want something more interesting.

I also knitted my friend's baby a little pumpkin hat of my own design but forgot to take a photo! d'oh. Will have to get a photo when its finally on her sweet little head!

I am quietly thinking of entering something in knitting competition at the Easter Show next year, what a granny!! I won't win anything but I would get a real kick out of seeing something I have made on display!! We are thinking of going to the Show next year anyway, after a few years break from it. So even more reason to do so.

I think the category I will enter is the Adult's sleeveless garment. But maybe I will enter the Child's Jumper category as well. I am still deciding. I am improving all the time, hard to believe that when I was pregnant I was struggling to finish a baby hat, knitted flat in stocking stitch!! OMG. I would never knit a hat on straight needles anymore!! gawd, the very thought of it. I also struggled through knitting a baby jumper, but put it down again in frustration and never finished it at all. I started it when I was first pregnant and finally gave up just before I had him (and went on to knit the hat instead). Now it would probably take me two days!! For the hat AND the jumper, lol. Its great to see how I have progressed.

In other news, I won the sweepstake at work for the Melbourne Cup. I won $22 which is just enough to replace the $20 to win bet I put on Zipping, which is probably still running...

aww, how cute is this little fella? It was Pirate Day at daycare the other day and this is how he looked when I picked him up. Apparently there was a moustache and a scar drawn on there before but it rubbed off. And he is unwrapping some of his treasure from the treasure hunt.

I dressed him in a stripey shirt and his little waistcoat from the wedding and some three-quarter pants, I thought he looked 'quite' piratey. When he had his face paint on I thought he looked very piratey and very very adorable. He's got the patch on his good eye! although the black has disappeared and there is just a smudge of yellow bruising left now from his shiner.

In other news, I have done something semi-serious to my toe. It happened a while ago but its getting much worse, I can hardly walk on it some days, but it comes and goes, some days its fine. It seems to be in the joint of the toe next to my little toe and its very painful when I put weight on it at a certain angle. I saw the osteo today and she thinks its some damage to the joint. It has got worse since she was working on it so I think I might go and get an x-ray. I do vaguely remember whacking it at some point, but that was ages ago. The coming and going part is the most perplexing especially since the pain is so extreme when it does crop up.

I started a course, through work, on how to build a website. There are only five in the class and I go on Wednesdays. The course was good but of course it doesn't matter where you go or how many are in the class, if its a classroom type situation there is always one moron in the class who holds everyone up because they don't have the appropriate level of knowledge to be taking that particular class. And this course is no exception. This woman asks the most inane questions and holds up the whole class. It took her twenty minutes to discuss what to call her website - did she not know what we were there for before the class???? grrr.

I knew it was going to go badly when the teacher told us to turn on the computers and she pipes up with "this button here is it John?".

But I did manage to learn a bit, so that's allright. There was a lot of sitting around waiting for the next piece of information that's all.

My poor little bloke has a shiner. A humdinger of a black eye. It happened so quickly and was such a silly thing!

I put tracky daks on him because he got his pyjamas wet and it was a cold day. As he turned away from me he ran (he never walks anymore) and just couldn't catch up with his own legs and veered into the fridge. The momentum carried him face first into the edge of the wall. OUCH.

Above his eye is a dark purple line and today he has all kinds of shades of purple and yellow on his eyelid and his eye is still swollen a bit shut. My poor baby.

I am taking him to the osteopath tomorrow, just for a quick once-over. I didn't like the way his neck was pushed back when he hit the wall. He seems to be okay but I just want to make sure. He has been to the osteo before, I have decided to take him every year for a checkup anyway and he went just after his birthday in July.

In other news, my new job is going well, I am off to a course, starting on Wednesday and going for six weeks, to learn how to design a corporate website from scratch.

ooh, yay, we are going on holidee!

I can't wait!!

More details soon!

I deleted my last post about the nasty gossip because I am tired of this person having control over my feelings. I have a great life, I have worked very very hard to have this life, it hasn't all been plain sailing for me, there has been a lot to overcome and there is still a lot that I have to ignore to remain happy. I wish I didn't have to do this but I am not the only person in the world who still suffers from the residue of a less than ideal childhood but I am here now and that person doesn't get to share in it and that's of some comfort.

Its a good lesson to me and one I continue to be very conscious of in the way I raise my son. I want him to want to be around me when he is old enough to make that choice. Its not difficult to achieve, in fact, its difficult to stuff it up, but I am proof that some people do.

I take full credit for the life I have now. I didn't have a fantastic upbringing, it was very average, less than ideal in many respects. I don't look back on it with a feeling of happiness or nostalgia. I have blocked alot of it out and can't recall it without great effort anyway. It didn't set me up for a life of great happiness I know that much. Even the ordinary life I live is a long way from what I thought I would end up with and what I was raised to believe I deserved. I don't mean 'what was expected of me' I mean how I was treated, how I was spoken to, the things that were done for me and the things that were done to me all gave me messages of what I deserved. And most of it wasn't messages to give a great sense of self worth. It hasn't been all that easy to overcome really, and to be honest, I don't know if I will ever really overcome it at all. Staring it down is all I have managed to do, but even that is an achievement I suppose.

I am trying to be emotionally healthy, to be normal. That's all I ever really wanted for myself, and I want the next generation to evolve. I want my children to be more than that, I want them to actually be happy. I am happy now, but it was hard work to get here. I want bubby to start off from there.

Its not easy and sometimes the past catches up with me and pulls at my shirt tail and drags me backwards. Sometimes it trips me up when I am least expecting it. All I can do is resist it, but trying to keep the mask on at the same time turns into a bit of a juggling act.

I am gritting my teeth through it at the moment. I know it will pass, it always does. Just gotta keep all the balls in the air till then and protect my lovely home and family from getting tainted by it.

I will do it.

More painting done. The spare room, which will eventually become Baden's room. Hogsbristle three-quarters again and the ceiling redone in brilliant white and the ghastly pink skirting and pink door changed to white.

Needs new carpet as well. I think I am going to lay the carpet myself. Its a smallish room and I watched the carpet laying guy put the stuff down in the lounge and this room doesn't need a join anywhere so how hard can it be?

I guess we will find out!

I still haven't painted the kitchen. Its got the sample paint on one wall which is my statement to anyone who looks that "its not going to be the ugly colour it currently is, its going to be this lovely colour".

Speaking of paint, Baden came home today with a shirt with paint all over the front of it. He had some artwork in his bag but that painting doesn't have all the colours he has on the front of his shirt!! How strange! The painting on the paper looks a bit halfhearted compared to his usual efforts, so maybe he was concentrating more on fabric painting today.

The daycare lady commented today on how much he loves to dance. He has always been a really musical kid. I think we will encourage that. Maybe get him playing some kind of musical instrument when he is a bit older.

Maybe the bagpipes.

There is a drummer in our street. He bashes away every afternoon for about an hour. Well, not every afternoon actually, but often enough.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, lol.

I have nothing much to report. The new job is going well. Baden is settled in to daycare extremely well, everyone is well and healthy and happy.

Life is good.

Oh, actually I do have some news. We have bought a new lounge suite, well, its two couches actually, three-seaters. Cream leather. They are rather lovely. But we have to wait TEN WEEKS for them to be made and shipped from Italy. Ten weeks!! What are they doing? making the damn things? oh wait....

Baden has settled in to daycare. I am very happy with it. When I went to pick him up the other day he was running around and laughing and having a great time. When he saw me he said hello and then ran off back to play. That set my mind at ease so much.

I am enjoying the new job as well, so life is going well at the moment. I work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays.

And we have new carpet. It arrived at 7.30 this morning!! geez!! so its all done now and looks nice. The blue is gone, the beige is in. We finished the painting last night, I knew we would leave it till the last minute because its too hard with a toddler and its such a pain of a job. It's okay once you start, its the starting that is the hard part. Steve did the ceilings too so they are nice and fresh and white. Its one of those things that you don't really know makes a difference till you see it.

In the end bubby was covered in so much paint that when he picked up the roller we thought we might as well let him have a go. He has ruined his little jacket and managed to ruin my jeans (which I shouldn't have been painting in anyway but I would have got away with it if it wasn't for him and his greasy paintcovered little mitts!). But the wall is now cream, which is the main thing!

This is the latest jumper. Its the same pattern as the last one but in a size 6!!! Ridiculous sizing.

I didn't bother with the hood, even though I had enough wool. I was sick of knitting it so just put a collar on it. It has a pouch at the front that you can't really see in this photo. I don't love it, it s'okay, but I don't love it and I only wanted to get it finished because I have a three-project rule and I wanted to start on something else and I already have something else sitting unfinished.

The wall behind bubby is our entranceway which is another unfinished project, but the rule only applies to knitting luckily!! I still have to do another coat and then pull the masking tape off at the bottom.

In other news, bubby went to daycare twice last week for a few hours. I am feeling very conflicted about this. I think they could do things better to help kids settle in. When we get there they say hello but nobody actually 'takes' him. Well, they didn't the first day and they did the second day because I think they twigged on to the fact that I wasn't leaving until I was happy. The tears on the first day might have been some indication that certain needs weren't being met as well (yes, I mean my tears, lol).

The thing is, I need to feel that I am handing him over to someone, otherwise it feels like I am taking him down to the local shopping centre and leaving him there - people are all around him but he doesn't know any of them and he isn't 'with' any of them. That's how it felt. That's why I wouldn't leave. They were hinting at me to leave, saying he would settle in if I wasn't there, but I wouldn't budge. To me "settling in" and "realising there is no use protesting at being abandoned" are two different things, so I want to make sure its the first one and not the second.

He is going again next week, for a few hours each day. Steve has taken three days off, so I will be able to go to my new job without worrying. I am sure I will 'settle in' to the job more quickly that way as well!

He looked perfectly contented when I picked him up on the second day. He actually looked like he was completely fine and happy. Its just the 'greeting' ritual that I am not happy with. No, I don't want a stranger to come up and 'take him' and lead him over to an activity and then walk away. That's not good enough. I need to know that he has made a connection with someone who he knows is taking care of him. Then I can walk away and I will be fine. I am not neurotic, I think this is completely reasonable. He's new. Once he has been there for a couple of times I doubt that this will be necessary, but it annoys me that they don't see this as being obvious. I don't know anyone who can walk in to a room full of strangers and be completely comfortable!! Even adults find this daunting, so imagine what its like when you are 2!!

So, they are under my scrutiny and if I am not happy in a week or so then I will be looking for an alternative.

I recently decided to rejoin the workforce. I have been in and out of it a bit, mainly because it is extremely difficult to juggle a toddler and a job.

So, I wanted a part time job that was very close to our house because the last job was just too far away. So today I got one, yay!! I went for the interview and got offered the job while I was there, I love that!! It's so close to home that I was way too early and had to drive up the road and wait. It took me 14 minutes to get there, and its all quiet roads so there won't be any traffic hassles.

I will work 20 hours over three days. I have applied for daycare and will hear back next week and bubby will have to start straight away because I start my new job the Monday after next.

I am looking forward to him going to daycare, I really think he needs it. He used to come home singing little nursery rhymes and yakking away and since he stopped going he has stopped talking. He needs more stimulation than I (and the dogs) can provide.

The dogs have taught him alot. If he drops food he will lean down and pick it up with his mouth, oh my god. We call him Dog Boy because all he wants to do is be outside with them.

So now that we have chosen our carpet I want a new lounge suite to go with it. My husband says that all I say is "I want I want I want".

He's right of course, but I am not sure what his point is. ha ha.

Here is the latest creation, the one that the pattern ran small, this is a size 4!

It does fit, and it looks quite sweet, but it won't fit next winter.

I am making another one. Just because I am so annoyed about this one being so small. I am making the size 6 this time.

And we are finally getting new carpet. Today our carpet got on my last nerve and I decided to tell my husband (I am still getting used to saying that, lol) that we are getting new carpet next week no matter what. I was all psyched up for an argument and when he got home I said "I want new carpet and I am not going to wait" and he goes "yeah, allright, we will go and get it in the weekend then".

Oh. Okay then. Right.

Well...GOOD!!...

Just as well.

lol

We have been sick this week, with a bronchial infection cough type nasty thing. Me and bubby both have it, actually I caught it off him, festy little bugger.

So we've been a bit quiet on it.

I have nearly finished another jumper for him, its very cute, has a pocket at the front and a hood, but I knitted the size 4 and it only just fits him and won't fit next winter. I am SO mad. Why did they make the stinkin pattern so small????

Remember how I wanted to learn cables?

We have cables!

Here is my latest creation, fresh off the needles after hibernating for a few months. This is the second cabled jumper I have made, I think they look unbelievably cute on little boys.

I am very proud of it, I think it looks really good.

I have mastered simple cables but still have trouble keeping track of the rows when to cross them over. The plaited cable in the middle was a pain in the neck and not worth the effort.

He will wear this today. We are heading off to see Nana to celebrate her birthday. I have made her a cake and everything, isn't she lucky?

Today we had a little party for Baden, to celebrate his birthday. I made an Elmo cake and we had a barbecue. I put sparklers in the cake but when I went to light them I realised they were actually incense sticks, lol, so that will be a funny story to tell him one day.

I finally finished the jumper I was making for myself and have nearly finished a jumper I am making for Baden. Its cream...what was I thinking? but I had to buy extra wool and its a different dyelot and a different shade so the whole thing will need to be dyed anyway, just need to decide on a colour.

I want to get the painting finished this week too. I have a lot to do.

Last year's photo. This year's one coming soon.

Tomorrow my baby turns 2 years old.

Two years of utter happiness. So much joy has come into my life since the birth of this child. Even the pregnancy was so happy, even after dislocating my pelvis and practically living in the bath in the final weeks.! It was all worth it.

He is such a gorgeous boy.

Tomorrow I am taking him to playland so we can have some fun. I am also going to take his photo wearing his dad's shirt. Its the shirt that Steve was wearing when we met and I am going to take a photo of Baden wearing it every year on his birthday. This is last year's shot. He has grown so much!

One day this shirt will probably be too small. He is so tall. I am going to measure his height tomorrow because they say that if you take their height at two years old and double it, that's how tall they will be.

This weekend Nanna and Pop are coming up and we will have a small barbecue and I will make a cake and we will sing Happy Birthday to our gorgeous baby.

I love you Baden, I love you so much my heart feels like it is going to burst. The day you were born was literally the Happiest Day of My Life and one day I am going to sit down and tell you the wonderful story of the day you were born and how happy everyone was and how they couldn't wait to meet you because they love you so much.

Thank goodness for that. After more than two years of talking about it, looking at catalogues, discussing it with whoever will listen, my husband has finally bought his new TV.

I went along for the ride but had no input. I refused to discuss it and went to another part of the shop and sat on a massage chair. I don't care what TV, couldn't give a shit about plasma vs LCD, don't care what size the screen is, resolution whatever, I just want one that the remote can be used to turn down the volume, unlike our current wrecked one.

So its all been decided, plus all the other fancy bits and pieces, whatever, and its being delivered tomorrow, or possibly being picked up, not sure, didn't listen.

Apparently its quite fancy, so that will be lovely. Apparently we get extra channels too. Not Eastenders though, sadly. My ears would have pricked up at that. Its the only reason I want Foxtel but not really a good enough reason since the rest of the shows on Foxtel are shite.

In other news, went to the rugby, the beloved All Blacks lost and they deserved to lose, they played terribly, never seen them play so bad, ever. Wallabies played better than average, must be the new coach (kiwi one), lol.

Baden has started "cheers" ing us all the time, with his juice bottle. He will come up and go "zeers" and bang the side of your cup. He has to learn to be a bit more gentle because I nearly wore my coffee this afternoon. He has also started high-fiving, which he learnt in Fiji but hasn't done it till now...weird.

And he doesn't say thank you anymore, he has gone back to "Ta". Weird.

oooh, I love my husband, yes I do.

Awhile ago a friend of mine asked a few of us what we would do if we were handed five hundred dollars to spend how we liked. I said I would buy new clothes. I mentioned this to Steve, just in conversation and he told me to go and spend five hundred dollars on clothes.

I said "okay".

I didn't rush out and get started, I wanted to mull things over and think about what I wanted. Its not like I can't buy new clothes any old time anyway, but the point is that I don't and I wouldn't have until someone told me to go and do so, I would always think the money would be better spent elsewhere. All my clothes are rags because I haven't been shopping for a long long time. I put on weight and didn't enjoy buying clothes, then I got pregnant and bought lovely maternity clothes, then I had bubby and it was back to the raggedy look, then I lost ten kilos and basically had nothing to wear at all.

So yesterday I ventured out to get started and I am quite pleased with myself. It doesn't matter how much money I have I just can't resist a bargain, I can't help it, it must be in my DNA.

I did buy one thing full retail price, a pair of cargo pants. They were $69.95.

I also bought a pair of suede half boot type things marked down to $44.98, they were originally over a hundred and then on sale and then 20% off sale price or something wonderful like that.

I bought a white top, I can't remember the original price or the sale price but they were also further marked down and ended up being $11.24! This was to wear with my new vest, see below.

A black top which was on sale and marked down again and ended up being $15.00. This was a nice surprise because I was happy with the sale price to begin with!

I bought a Calvin Klein vest, it was $99 marked down, and marked down again, and final price I paid $23.96!! Yay me. I have wanted a vest like this for ages and even tried to knit one but it didn't turn out very well because the wool I chose was too scratchy.

I also bought a pair of slippers, can't remember how much they cost, but all up I have spent less than $200 of my $500.

I still don't enjoy shopping. I got a headache and couldn't wait to come home. The toddler isn't much fun shopping either, he hates it, he loathes it, he yells "noooooooooooo!" as we walk into each shop.

I also bought some wool. I love buying wool. It was 99c a ball so I bought enough to make a jumper.

The vest, the slippers and the wool are all pink. I love pink, its probably my favourite colour.

Naptime.

Bubby's that is. My life revolves around it. It starts at 12noon and I start watching the clock at about 11am and getting prepared for it.

The dilemma is usually how best to use my time. I could knit uninterrupted - rare bliss!, I could paint one of the walls without getting handprints in them (or having to get paint out of size 2 clothes later), I could sit on the computer without having to type one-handed, and today I have a new choice, I could groom Apple. She stinks and she needs a haircut. I tried to start this morning but had to stop because ... well because I have a toddler that's why.

But grooming the dog sort of seems like a job, and during naptime I like to do something that I enjoy. I put the jug on and have a hot hot cup of coffee, just sitting beside me, unwatched, and unbothered. I sip it slowly and put it down whenever I want. I watch Dr Phil, uninterrupted. And then I decide what I would like to do. Its something I look forward to immensely.

From around 11am onwards.

Its two hours of the day that I am very loathe to give up. I am not looking forward to the time when naptime doesn't happen anymore. He sleeps for about two hours and after an hour and a half I start to miss him and look forward to him waking up. Then we are both refreshed and energised and ready to get on with the rest of our day.

Could you resist this face?

My son is spoilt. No really, he is. He really is spoilt, rotten. Well not rotten, because he's not rotten, he's lovely, or am I so blinded by his cuteness that I can't see it?

See, I don't think he is rotten at all, he is lovely, he is just so lovely and easygoing and placid. And he is nearly two. The terrible twos, but he's not terrible, he is just lovely.

He likes to do things his own way, but I understand that and I let him, if its not unreasonable. He also doesn't understand some things about the way the world works i.e. if I buy him something and have to take it off him so the checkout person can scan it he cracks the shits. Not hugely, like not a tantrum (he has never 'thrown' a tantrum) he just whinges a bit and his face crumples at the unfairness of it. I know its because he doesn't understand that he will be getting it back after we pay for it. So I don't make him wait for it, I ask the lady to scan it and then I give it back to him and I explain the concept of paying for it because maybe one day it will go in and be understood so then he knows that he will get it back so he won't whinge anymore.

But today I saw how spoilt he really is because I saw my husband doing it too. Which means this child has no one giving him any unreasonable boundaries and no one is trying to 'win' against him. He has two reasonable parents who try and make the world an easy place for him to live in, with his limited communication and understanding.

That's how I see it, but I wonder if that's a good thing to do. Its definitely not a mainstream thing to do, surely he has to learn he can't get his own way all the time. But I don't understand why he can't get his own way lots of the time unless its just not workable.

I dunno. He is just so cute that we are sucked in by it. We dote on him. Little Lord Fauntelroy. But seriously, the cuteness is devastating at the moment. The words are coming thick and fast, the imitating, oh my god, its so bloody cute I just stare at him constantly, just looking at him, drinking in the sight of him.

Boy oh boy, he is either going to turn out really really well or turn out bloody terrible! We went to the shops today and he wanted a ball, so we got him the ball, he wanted a packet of banana lollies, so they went in the basket. That's all he wanted. And when Steve looked at the receipt he was horrified that the ball was ten bucks so he went and took it back, lol, yes he did, because the dogs are only going to pop it anyway like the last three balls I have bought. While he did this I put two bucks in the little fire engine ride by the door so bubby was distracted. But we bought over twenty dollars worth of junk for ourselves so the banana lollies weren't unreasonable. Were they?

oh gawd. I just love this age. Its hilarious. So many cute things happening on a daily basis around here.

Painting! lots of it!! That is what I am doing.

I find painting to be quite therapeutic. I even use a smaller roller than I need to so I can space out and don't have to concentrate too much.

The walls that were blue are now 3/4 tint of hogbristle cream and its just beautiful.

I have no idea why anyone would have painted them blue in the first place, our house is sort of spanishy looking, not heaps, just a hint of spanish, and the blue just doesn't cut the mustard. And don't get me started on the blue carpet!! Why? oh why? such a pretty house, why would anyone do that? (just quietly, the last owners furniture was green! we saw it when we inspected the house!...so I guess that explains the dodgy colours a bit).

The purple feature wall in the loungeroom is also gone, thankfully (yep, purple wall, blue carpet and green furniture, yep *shudder*). Everything is now cream, except for the kitchen and one wall in the entrance way which is a burnt orangey red which is just bee-yoo-tee-full. It made the whole place look much fresher and newer.

My other project is knitting a top down raglan jumper for myself which is going swimmingly. I also find knitting quite relaxing, so between painting and knitting at the moment I am melloooooow, lol.

I got offered a job this morning. It's at a company that I applied for a job at ages ago, but I didn't get the job, but they just rang me and asked me if I wanted six week's work doing something else, its still marketing focussed but a different department. Its a long commute and we still don't have daycare lined up, although I could organise it if I wanted to. I am tempted, but that's just because I am so used to working that it feels normal to just say yes, but I am actually quite happy at home for the moment so I am not sure if I will. I will see what my husband says and then think about it. But probably nah.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people just have no idea. You can tell them and tell them and they just don't *get it*.

These people are best left to their own devices. The problem with this is that some of them have tendrils that reach out and wreak their destruction on other areas of your life no matter how hard you try to avoid it.

If you tell someone you don't want anything to do with them because they have no sense of loyalty and constantly tell people details of your business, then when they are asked by someone why you don't speak to them they tell these people (yes, the person asking and whoever else may be around at the time) that you blame them for certain details of your business (yes, the same business that you stopped speaking to them because they would blab to people, yep the very same, hard to believe I know).

It surely aint rocket science.

NO %^*& IDEA.

One of my biggest prayers to the gods is that I never do that to my own children. I am sure I won't because I hate it so much and see how destructive and hateful and hurtful and damaging it is.

Thankfully I am nothing like that and never will be. I keep to myself, I like my business to be kept as my business until such time as I am ready to share it with others, key word being "I" in that sentence. I ask that and I give that to others.

I really don't think its that hard to understand. What I don't understand is how some people find it impossible.

I also don't understand how these people can think someone can accept it. With someone like that around who needs enemies?

See ya.

We have decided to go on a second honeymoon because we feel a bit ripped off at the last one. The wedding was right in the middle and then we only had two days to relax. I thought we might go to Daydream Island or Hamilton Island, but there is always the Gold Coast or New Zealand. We need to go to New Zealand at some point anyway because my husband has never been and now he is married to a kiwi so he really needs a droppa kulcha. It might explain a few of his wife's quirks (might not either, lol).

He needs to be introduced to the joys of proper onion dip made with onion soup and reduced cream, not to mention lolly cake and a PROPER cream donut, not those revolting jam ball things they have over here, injected with jam, ugh, they've really got no idea.

I am actually feeling quite homesick at the moment, not sure why. It does crop up every now and then. Every time I go 'home' I put on a few kilos, which proves that the kiwis are foodies. There are so many things I can't resist - pineapple fru ju's (I eat about 3 of them a day while I am over there, because I can't bring them back with me so I need to get my fix while I am there), perky nana's (which I can now get over here so its not as bad), caramel chews (ditto), tomato flavoured Munchos, grapefruit chocolate, but its the fresh food that I notice more. Proper kumara, fresh fruit and veges, meat.

Which reminds me! I wanted some Kool Aid!!

The only thing I miss about how we had our wedding is the cards, or lack thereof. We only have three. I don't care about not getting presents but I am a sentimental old fool and keep cards forever so I wish I had some to keep in my 'Precious Things' file.

That said, we did get a couple of presents, one from my brother and sister-in-law which we absolutely LOVE, and a couple of unexpected gifts, one from a great friend and one from our next door neighbour. My husband is buying himself a wedding present of a new TV, but since that was supposed to be his present for becoming a dad nearly two years ago I am not holding my breath and lost interest ages ago.

The bride and groom with witness Di, who flew over from New Zealand and was a fabulous bridesmaid, - couldn't have asked for a better friend, and our little pageboy Baden who threw sand at the bride just minutes after this photo was taken and the little shit was promptly whisked away by his nanny before he wreaked more havoc, lol. He is a sand-a-holic.

The cake. Looked like chocolate, tasted a bit like curry, lol. I am not sure what happened to it, I think Di gave it to a couple of the fijians to take home. I don't think anyone finished a whole piece, I couldn't even stand the icing, yee-uck! I'm still glad we got it though, it wouldn't be the same without it!
aww, butter wouldn't melt. Our beautiful little boy. I can't imagine life without him, best thing that has ever happened to me, followed closely by his Dad of course!

Here, as promised, are some more photos of my wedding. Its one week today since we got married and I am still getting used to it. It was like it was all a dream.

When we got home I felt a bit depressed for a day or so, I think it was post-wedding blues! I am sure there is such a thing! I am feeling like my old self again now though.


I have finished up at my job so I am a full time stay at home mum again. I am going to hang out with my little bloke for a few weeks or months and then try and find a job a bit closer to home. Our daycare lady retired so it was a good opportunity to re-think our current situation. There is a lot of things I want to do around the house, I want to paint the kitchen for a start and then paint the rest of the place. We have been here six months and I have half painted two walls with sample pots, and they look terrible.