aww, how cute is this little fella? It was Pirate Day at daycare the other day and this is how he looked when I picked him up. Apparently there was a moustache and a scar drawn on there before but it rubbed off. And he is unwrapping some of his treasure from the treasure hunt.

I dressed him in a stripey shirt and his little waistcoat from the wedding and some three-quarter pants, I thought he looked 'quite' piratey. When he had his face paint on I thought he looked very piratey and very very adorable. He's got the patch on his good eye! although the black has disappeared and there is just a smudge of yellow bruising left now from his shiner.

In other news, I have done something semi-serious to my toe. It happened a while ago but its getting much worse, I can hardly walk on it some days, but it comes and goes, some days its fine. It seems to be in the joint of the toe next to my little toe and its very painful when I put weight on it at a certain angle. I saw the osteo today and she thinks its some damage to the joint. It has got worse since she was working on it so I think I might go and get an x-ray. I do vaguely remember whacking it at some point, but that was ages ago. The coming and going part is the most perplexing especially since the pain is so extreme when it does crop up.

I started a course, through work, on how to build a website. There are only five in the class and I go on Wednesdays. The course was good but of course it doesn't matter where you go or how many are in the class, if its a classroom type situation there is always one moron in the class who holds everyone up because they don't have the appropriate level of knowledge to be taking that particular class. And this course is no exception. This woman asks the most inane questions and holds up the whole class. It took her twenty minutes to discuss what to call her website - did she not know what we were there for before the class???? grrr.

I knew it was going to go badly when the teacher told us to turn on the computers and she pipes up with "this button here is it John?".

But I did manage to learn a bit, so that's allright. There was a lot of sitting around waiting for the next piece of information that's all.

My poor little bloke has a shiner. A humdinger of a black eye. It happened so quickly and was such a silly thing!

I put tracky daks on him because he got his pyjamas wet and it was a cold day. As he turned away from me he ran (he never walks anymore) and just couldn't catch up with his own legs and veered into the fridge. The momentum carried him face first into the edge of the wall. OUCH.

Above his eye is a dark purple line and today he has all kinds of shades of purple and yellow on his eyelid and his eye is still swollen a bit shut. My poor baby.

I am taking him to the osteopath tomorrow, just for a quick once-over. I didn't like the way his neck was pushed back when he hit the wall. He seems to be okay but I just want to make sure. He has been to the osteo before, I have decided to take him every year for a checkup anyway and he went just after his birthday in July.

In other news, my new job is going well, I am off to a course, starting on Wednesday and going for six weeks, to learn how to design a corporate website from scratch.

ooh, yay, we are going on holidee!

I can't wait!!

More details soon!

I deleted my last post about the nasty gossip because I am tired of this person having control over my feelings. I have a great life, I have worked very very hard to have this life, it hasn't all been plain sailing for me, there has been a lot to overcome and there is still a lot that I have to ignore to remain happy. I wish I didn't have to do this but I am not the only person in the world who still suffers from the residue of a less than ideal childhood but I am here now and that person doesn't get to share in it and that's of some comfort.

Its a good lesson to me and one I continue to be very conscious of in the way I raise my son. I want him to want to be around me when he is old enough to make that choice. Its not difficult to achieve, in fact, its difficult to stuff it up, but I am proof that some people do.

I take full credit for the life I have now. I didn't have a fantastic upbringing, it was very average, less than ideal in many respects. I don't look back on it with a feeling of happiness or nostalgia. I have blocked alot of it out and can't recall it without great effort anyway. It didn't set me up for a life of great happiness I know that much. Even the ordinary life I live is a long way from what I thought I would end up with and what I was raised to believe I deserved. I don't mean 'what was expected of me' I mean how I was treated, how I was spoken to, the things that were done for me and the things that were done to me all gave me messages of what I deserved. And most of it wasn't messages to give a great sense of self worth. It hasn't been all that easy to overcome really, and to be honest, I don't know if I will ever really overcome it at all. Staring it down is all I have managed to do, but even that is an achievement I suppose.

I am trying to be emotionally healthy, to be normal. That's all I ever really wanted for myself, and I want the next generation to evolve. I want my children to be more than that, I want them to actually be happy. I am happy now, but it was hard work to get here. I want bubby to start off from there.

Its not easy and sometimes the past catches up with me and pulls at my shirt tail and drags me backwards. Sometimes it trips me up when I am least expecting it. All I can do is resist it, but trying to keep the mask on at the same time turns into a bit of a juggling act.

I am gritting my teeth through it at the moment. I know it will pass, it always does. Just gotta keep all the balls in the air till then and protect my lovely home and family from getting tainted by it.

I will do it.