I want to be married. I don't want to get married, I want to already be married so its out of the way. I don't want to plan a wedding and I don't want to have The Big Day, because whatever I do has to live up to this great big expectation of what The Big Day means, and it might not come up to those expectations and then I will be disappointed and think back on it with regret. And I don't want that.

I keep putting it off so I can lose weight, because I don't want to be unhappy with how I look on The Big Day. But I don't seem to be all that serious about the diet and exercise thing either. I was on the Lite n Easy and enrolled at the gym ($240 for 6 months - I have been 3 times).

Sometimes I think I would like something small and tasteful, just a nice little ceremony with a few friends and then out for a boozy lunch. But what if we do that and then I regret that we didn't have my one opportunity to be a Pwincess for a Day?

aaaaargh. I even annoy myself sometimes!!! I definitely want to be married before we think about having another child. But I wish it was just over and done with already.