I believe I am a very lucky person. I still can't quite believe my luck in all that has happened to me in the past few years and of course the one thing that stands out a mile is my precious little boy. I just love him so much, I am in love with him, completely infatuated and enchanted.

If I were to ever lose him I ....

I can't finish that sentence.

You know, every now and then something happens that makes me realise even more how lucky I am. All of my dreams have come true, my most fervent wish has materialised and some days I still can't believe how blessed I am.

Actually a couple of things have happened in the last couple of days that have put me in this sombre and reflective mood. One of my dear friends lost a much wanted and anticipated pregnancy and I am struggling with the unfairness of it and it made me quite snappy for a few hours after I found out. I needed to be alone to think but didn't get a chance until I was in bed last night (I slept in the spare room so I could be alone with my thoughts).

I also selfishly cried for myself because I was so looking forward to that baby. I have been pondering different baby knitting patterns to find the perfect outfit to make and I had only just decided that red was the best colour since I was too impatient to wait to see if my friend was going to find out what flavour - I wanted to start knitting. This was a very special baby. Not all babies get to be so special. They all deserve to be so wanted and loved, but sadly it doesn't happen for all of them. This baby was going to be one of the lucky ones.

I also was told of another tragedy that caused a mama to lose her precious baby. A terrible terrible heart-ripping incident that happened so quick and caused a three year old girl to be locked in the family car for such a short time, but long enough for her to lose her life. I can't even begin to imagine the agony of her mother. Laying in bed last night just trying to imagine the pain she would feel made me sob. I cried again in the car on the way to work and I feel like crying again now. Motherhood has made me so fragile. I can't bear for anyone to live my worst nightmare. Part of it is my own fear. If it can happen to them it could happen to me. I think all mothers are bonded by this unspoken fear.

I can't write anymore.

Life is so short and every day is so precious. I don't think I will ever take my blessings for granted.

And now I am going to sneak in for a quick peek at my baby who is fast asleep, safe and sound in his cot.