aww, how cute is this little fella? It was Pirate Day at daycare the other day and this is how he looked when I picked him up. Apparently there was a moustache and a scar drawn on there before but it rubbed off. And he is unwrapping some of his treasure from the treasure hunt.

I dressed him in a stripey shirt and his little waistcoat from the wedding and some three-quarter pants, I thought he looked 'quite' piratey. When he had his face paint on I thought he looked very piratey and very very adorable. He's got the patch on his good eye! although the black has disappeared and there is just a smudge of yellow bruising left now from his shiner.

In other news, I have done something semi-serious to my toe. It happened a while ago but its getting much worse, I can hardly walk on it some days, but it comes and goes, some days its fine. It seems to be in the joint of the toe next to my little toe and its very painful when I put weight on it at a certain angle. I saw the osteo today and she thinks its some damage to the joint. It has got worse since she was working on it so I think I might go and get an x-ray. I do vaguely remember whacking it at some point, but that was ages ago. The coming and going part is the most perplexing especially since the pain is so extreme when it does crop up.

I started a course, through work, on how to build a website. There are only five in the class and I go on Wednesdays. The course was good but of course it doesn't matter where you go or how many are in the class, if its a classroom type situation there is always one moron in the class who holds everyone up because they don't have the appropriate level of knowledge to be taking that particular class. And this course is no exception. This woman asks the most inane questions and holds up the whole class. It took her twenty minutes to discuss what to call her website - did she not know what we were there for before the class???? grrr.

I knew it was going to go badly when the teacher told us to turn on the computers and she pipes up with "this button here is it John?".

But I did manage to learn a bit, so that's allright. There was a lot of sitting around waiting for the next piece of information that's all.

My poor little bloke has a shiner. A humdinger of a black eye. It happened so quickly and was such a silly thing!

I put tracky daks on him because he got his pyjamas wet and it was a cold day. As he turned away from me he ran (he never walks anymore) and just couldn't catch up with his own legs and veered into the fridge. The momentum carried him face first into the edge of the wall. OUCH.

Above his eye is a dark purple line and today he has all kinds of shades of purple and yellow on his eyelid and his eye is still swollen a bit shut. My poor baby.

I am taking him to the osteopath tomorrow, just for a quick once-over. I didn't like the way his neck was pushed back when he hit the wall. He seems to be okay but I just want to make sure. He has been to the osteo before, I have decided to take him every year for a checkup anyway and he went just after his birthday in July.

In other news, my new job is going well, I am off to a course, starting on Wednesday and going for six weeks, to learn how to design a corporate website from scratch.

ooh, yay, we are going on holidee!

I can't wait!!

More details soon!

I deleted my last post about the nasty gossip because I am tired of this person having control over my feelings. I have a great life, I have worked very very hard to have this life, it hasn't all been plain sailing for me, there has been a lot to overcome and there is still a lot that I have to ignore to remain happy. I wish I didn't have to do this but I am not the only person in the world who still suffers from the residue of a less than ideal childhood but I am here now and that person doesn't get to share in it and that's of some comfort.

Its a good lesson to me and one I continue to be very conscious of in the way I raise my son. I want him to want to be around me when he is old enough to make that choice. Its not difficult to achieve, in fact, its difficult to stuff it up, but I am proof that some people do.

I take full credit for the life I have now. I didn't have a fantastic upbringing, it was very average, less than ideal in many respects. I don't look back on it with a feeling of happiness or nostalgia. I have blocked alot of it out and can't recall it without great effort anyway. It didn't set me up for a life of great happiness I know that much. Even the ordinary life I live is a long way from what I thought I would end up with and what I was raised to believe I deserved. I don't mean 'what was expected of me' I mean how I was treated, how I was spoken to, the things that were done for me and the things that were done to me all gave me messages of what I deserved. And most of it wasn't messages to give a great sense of self worth. It hasn't been all that easy to overcome really, and to be honest, I don't know if I will ever really overcome it at all. Staring it down is all I have managed to do, but even that is an achievement I suppose.

I am trying to be emotionally healthy, to be normal. That's all I ever really wanted for myself, and I want the next generation to evolve. I want my children to be more than that, I want them to actually be happy. I am happy now, but it was hard work to get here. I want bubby to start off from there.

Its not easy and sometimes the past catches up with me and pulls at my shirt tail and drags me backwards. Sometimes it trips me up when I am least expecting it. All I can do is resist it, but trying to keep the mask on at the same time turns into a bit of a juggling act.

I am gritting my teeth through it at the moment. I know it will pass, it always does. Just gotta keep all the balls in the air till then and protect my lovely home and family from getting tainted by it.

I will do it.

More painting done. The spare room, which will eventually become Baden's room. Hogsbristle three-quarters again and the ceiling redone in brilliant white and the ghastly pink skirting and pink door changed to white.

Needs new carpet as well. I think I am going to lay the carpet myself. Its a smallish room and I watched the carpet laying guy put the stuff down in the lounge and this room doesn't need a join anywhere so how hard can it be?

I guess we will find out!

I still haven't painted the kitchen. Its got the sample paint on one wall which is my statement to anyone who looks that "its not going to be the ugly colour it currently is, its going to be this lovely colour".

Speaking of paint, Baden came home today with a shirt with paint all over the front of it. He had some artwork in his bag but that painting doesn't have all the colours he has on the front of his shirt!! How strange! The painting on the paper looks a bit halfhearted compared to his usual efforts, so maybe he was concentrating more on fabric painting today.

The daycare lady commented today on how much he loves to dance. He has always been a really musical kid. I think we will encourage that. Maybe get him playing some kind of musical instrument when he is a bit older.

Maybe the bagpipes.

There is a drummer in our street. He bashes away every afternoon for about an hour. Well, not every afternoon actually, but often enough.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, lol.

I have nothing much to report. The new job is going well. Baden is settled in to daycare extremely well, everyone is well and healthy and happy.

Life is good.

Oh, actually I do have some news. We have bought a new lounge suite, well, its two couches actually, three-seaters. Cream leather. They are rather lovely. But we have to wait TEN WEEKS for them to be made and shipped from Italy. Ten weeks!! What are they doing? making the damn things? oh wait....

Baden has settled in to daycare. I am very happy with it. When I went to pick him up the other day he was running around and laughing and having a great time. When he saw me he said hello and then ran off back to play. That set my mind at ease so much.

I am enjoying the new job as well, so life is going well at the moment. I work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays.

And we have new carpet. It arrived at 7.30 this morning!! geez!! so its all done now and looks nice. The blue is gone, the beige is in. We finished the painting last night, I knew we would leave it till the last minute because its too hard with a toddler and its such a pain of a job. It's okay once you start, its the starting that is the hard part. Steve did the ceilings too so they are nice and fresh and white. Its one of those things that you don't really know makes a difference till you see it.

In the end bubby was covered in so much paint that when he picked up the roller we thought we might as well let him have a go. He has ruined his little jacket and managed to ruin my jeans (which I shouldn't have been painting in anyway but I would have got away with it if it wasn't for him and his greasy paintcovered little mitts!). But the wall is now cream, which is the main thing!

This is the latest jumper. Its the same pattern as the last one but in a size 6!!! Ridiculous sizing.

I didn't bother with the hood, even though I had enough wool. I was sick of knitting it so just put a collar on it. It has a pouch at the front that you can't really see in this photo. I don't love it, it s'okay, but I don't love it and I only wanted to get it finished because I have a three-project rule and I wanted to start on something else and I already have something else sitting unfinished.

The wall behind bubby is our entranceway which is another unfinished project, but the rule only applies to knitting luckily!! I still have to do another coat and then pull the masking tape off at the bottom.

In other news, bubby went to daycare twice last week for a few hours. I am feeling very conflicted about this. I think they could do things better to help kids settle in. When we get there they say hello but nobody actually 'takes' him. Well, they didn't the first day and they did the second day because I think they twigged on to the fact that I wasn't leaving until I was happy. The tears on the first day might have been some indication that certain needs weren't being met as well (yes, I mean my tears, lol).

The thing is, I need to feel that I am handing him over to someone, otherwise it feels like I am taking him down to the local shopping centre and leaving him there - people are all around him but he doesn't know any of them and he isn't 'with' any of them. That's how it felt. That's why I wouldn't leave. They were hinting at me to leave, saying he would settle in if I wasn't there, but I wouldn't budge. To me "settling in" and "realising there is no use protesting at being abandoned" are two different things, so I want to make sure its the first one and not the second.

He is going again next week, for a few hours each day. Steve has taken three days off, so I will be able to go to my new job without worrying. I am sure I will 'settle in' to the job more quickly that way as well!

He looked perfectly contented when I picked him up on the second day. He actually looked like he was completely fine and happy. Its just the 'greeting' ritual that I am not happy with. No, I don't want a stranger to come up and 'take him' and lead him over to an activity and then walk away. That's not good enough. I need to know that he has made a connection with someone who he knows is taking care of him. Then I can walk away and I will be fine. I am not neurotic, I think this is completely reasonable. He's new. Once he has been there for a couple of times I doubt that this will be necessary, but it annoys me that they don't see this as being obvious. I don't know anyone who can walk in to a room full of strangers and be completely comfortable!! Even adults find this daunting, so imagine what its like when you are 2!!

So, they are under my scrutiny and if I am not happy in a week or so then I will be looking for an alternative.

I recently decided to rejoin the workforce. I have been in and out of it a bit, mainly because it is extremely difficult to juggle a toddler and a job.

So, I wanted a part time job that was very close to our house because the last job was just too far away. So today I got one, yay!! I went for the interview and got offered the job while I was there, I love that!! It's so close to home that I was way too early and had to drive up the road and wait. It took me 14 minutes to get there, and its all quiet roads so there won't be any traffic hassles.

I will work 20 hours over three days. I have applied for daycare and will hear back next week and bubby will have to start straight away because I start my new job the Monday after next.

I am looking forward to him going to daycare, I really think he needs it. He used to come home singing little nursery rhymes and yakking away and since he stopped going he has stopped talking. He needs more stimulation than I (and the dogs) can provide.

The dogs have taught him alot. If he drops food he will lean down and pick it up with his mouth, oh my god. We call him Dog Boy because all he wants to do is be outside with them.

So now that we have chosen our carpet I want a new lounge suite to go with it. My husband says that all I say is "I want I want I want".

He's right of course, but I am not sure what his point is. ha ha.

Here is the latest creation, the one that the pattern ran small, this is a size 4!

It does fit, and it looks quite sweet, but it won't fit next winter.

I am making another one. Just because I am so annoyed about this one being so small. I am making the size 6 this time.

And we are finally getting new carpet. Today our carpet got on my last nerve and I decided to tell my husband (I am still getting used to saying that, lol) that we are getting new carpet next week no matter what. I was all psyched up for an argument and when he got home I said "I want new carpet and I am not going to wait" and he goes "yeah, allright, we will go and get it in the weekend then".

Oh. Okay then. Right.

Well...GOOD!!...

Just as well.

lol